I'm never good at commitment.

I said I'd start blogging to keep myself steady, to keep myself occupied in a healthy way. But honestly, I totally forgot about xanga. How long has it been? over two months I think, and I havent even posted a second post. Well, here it is.

I'm going to be a junior this school year.
Such a weird thought. I've always felt like being an upperclassman was something so grand and powerful. I don't feel like I live up to be an upperclassman; I don't feel like I've changed much and don't really know anything about anything. The freshman and the sophomores won't be able to depended on me and ask me how to solve complicated math problems or explain the irony in the novel they're currently reading, because I'd forget everything. Or maybe because I never really learned it. I'm not such a great student.
I still feel pretty small. The seniors that graduated last year just seem so much bigger and mature. They towered over you like a file cabinet full of things they've learned in their years of high school and things they've learned without the help of scholastic education, both of which you feel like you'll never know. Upperclassman just seem like they know everything, like they're so sure if themselves; know the dates of every single war in history, who's dating or dated who, which vending machines work and which don't, the mathematical formulas both on the reference sheet and not, and every single teacher, lunch lady, custodian, coach, librarian and nurse personally (even regardless if they've had that teacher or not). 
My sister was the perfect description of this. She wore  just the right amount of make-up and knew how to slack off and do well in class at the same time, because the teachers just liked her. When she was starting her senior year and I was stepping up to my freshman year, she told me which teachers were a steal and which ones gave lots of homework, which classes were easiest to cut, the hotspots where people hung out during their free, which school dances were worth it and which ones were lame. If i needed any help with high school, she could provide me with the perfect solution.

I know it's not completely true. Even thought he seniors own the school, they don't know everything and aren't so sure of themselves. But I just feel so young to be growing up to fit the status of an upperclassman. But everyone says that I'm fine; I don't need to know what college I want to go to or even what I want to major in. But I still worry. ugh, this is a story for another time. I didn't even plan on writing this much about seniors, what a crappy topic to talk about hahaha

I'll try to think of something more interesting about myself next time.